Becoming a Mother: The Prep Class

Dear Friends, I marvel at the beautiful creation of a smaller version of ourselves combined with another.    

"The beauty of my body is not measured by the size of the clothes it can fit into, but by the stories that it tells. I have a belly and hips that say, "We grew a child in here," and breasts that say, "We nourished life." My hands, with bitten nails and a writer's callus, say, "We create amazing things.""

-Sarah, from I Am Beautiful: A Celebration of Women in Their Own Words

 I also believe whole-heartedly that birthing does not make you a mother.  Genetically being tied to your little one does not make you closer or more in-tune with your child.  Parents are born too.  I have had the pleasure of knowing some very loving individuals that have opened their hearts to raise a family. I see no difference in how we become parents, as separating how we are connected to our children.  

So what about the preparations for the arrival of a baby?  Baby showers are events we organize to help new parents in the material aspect of planning.  We think of fun games for a gathering of women to play, award prizes for not saying the word "baby", and somehow try to help new moms prepare for the struggles that lie ahead.  Of all the times women need other women, it's when we are in need of outside strength, wisdom, and reassurance in the 'before' moments of motherhood.  Gift registries are helpful but are never going to have on them what we actually need at this time. 

I have recently felt a wave of clarity on this subject...  I love party planning as much as the next gal, making sure every gathering I host has a theme, is decorated and organized with some thought behind it.  Having said this, I think when planning for the arrival of your child it can be scary, exciting, and lonely.  No one else can tell you what the proper tools are-- what car seat, or the necessary Bumbo chair, or tummy-time activity mat.  These are the wants, you will learn the needs later...  So it gives us comfort, to hear the stories from other mothers, to share in your connection with them and hear them give a prep-talk for the journey ahead.  

So mamas, give that special gift to the new mommy-to-be, but give it with a thoughtful piece of advice too.  Words are what we can offer from the heart, and stand for so much more.



Here is what I have left with my younger sister, that lives farther away than I'd like, but whom I hold close emotionally.

Why I Think You will be a Great Mom:

A letter to my little sister

By Carrie Hambleton

Dearest Jodi Lynn,

I know the hours seem long, and you are anxious and uncomfortable, and feeling lost in this stage in your life…  But I want you to know that what you are about to go through, will be the biggest, best part of living.  It’s a moment where your body changes from a girl to a woman, and a child to a mother.  You have so many scary new moments ahead of you, and being so far away from your own mother is going to seem unbearable, but don’t be scared…  You have always had exactly what it takes to be a great mom.  It’s always been there.  You never knew did you?  Well let me tell you what everyone already knows, in hopes to give you strength in the next few weeks, as the new life that is blossoming inside you is getting ready to finally come into this world.

-You have always been nurturing.  

-You love my kids like they were your own.  And trust me, my little ones hold you on the top shelf in their hearts.

-You are fun… even when we would fight as kids, we would be laughing in the end… I’m so lucky to have had you as my playmate growing up, you made me want to be more fun like you.

-You already have mother-guilt.  This is an important part of being a mom; everyone gets it, and it makes you want to try harder every day to do better for your child.  So welcome to the rest of your life of high self-expectations, for it keeps you humble and selfless for him.

-You are an amazing cook!  I know you will take care in nourishing your little one.

-You are creative, and open-minded—a quality that only makes your spirit that much shinier!  Your little boy is going to be brought up in the arms of an amazingly artistic woman… This fact will shape him to be something beautiful and great.

-You are a true friend, and a fantastic listener.  Children need to know they have someone like this, like we have in our own mother, and I can proudly say that your son is so lucky to have you to turn to.

-You know humility; a quality that moms need to shape them as parents.  It inspires empathy, compassion, and self-discipline.

-You are powerful... You were given the power and privilege to co-create a life, to help your child reach his full potential and create a better world. That's enormous power and responsibility.  

-You are beautiful... Your son will be a reflection of you and Sam, and when you look into his eyes for the first time, you will see what everyone sees in you…absolutely beautiful... no laugh lines or stretch marks could ever diminish your beauty.  

 What you are about to walk through is more than a birth. For you and Sam this will be a true reflection of your commitment and love together. This birth will be a milestone for your little family. Savour the moments as “woman” and “man”, soon-to-be forever after known to another being as “mommy” and “daddy”.

In closing, I leave you with an inspirational blessingway poem, for you to gain strength from, and turn to as a pep-talk for your soul on the day of your birthing.

“May you be blessed with an easy but powerful transition;
Adding "mother" to daughter, sister, partner, and friend.
May you be changed in all the ways you hope to be changed.

May your body open easily, and then heal.
May the messengers who surround you guide you through what's coming.
May you know the joy and significance of bringing another soul into the world.
May you feel your own power, strength, and value.
May the sleepless nights ahead be endured if not savoured
Because they're temporary.
 

May the miracle of tiny knuckles sustain you through 2am feedings.
May you be nourished by providing nourishment;
And comforted by providing comfort.
May you always have helping hands and wise women to guide you on your journey.

May every blessing, every first
in your new life and your new child's life
string together like holy beads.”

-anonymous

Love You Little Sister

Carrie OXOX